Freebies

There is almost nothing I love more than getting something for free.  I don't care what it is - free is awesome.  The enjoyment and perceived value of almost anything is increased tenfold by it being free.  Expectations are lower, if not non-existent.  I am simply happy to have anything free, and if it doesn't meet my admittedly low expectations - who cares?  It's FREE.  No complaints allowed.

My current favorite "freebies" are Nookbooks.  I have a Nook, which - for those of you who have been living under a rock for the past year or are technology-intolerant - is the Barnes & Noble e-reader.

Image via bn.com

Because of the Nook, B&N calls their e-books "Nookbooks."  Which is almost a cute name if it wasn't so obnoxious... but that is neither here nor there.  Anyway, a selection of Nookbooks is offered free at all times. (Aside:  I found out that clicking any link in my post will not automatically open in a new window... so, right click and open in new tab/window if you want to stay focused on my glorious blog ;)).  I don't know how many are offered... more than 50 at any given time, and some of them change from week to week.  The books generally fall into 4 categories:  1) self-published, unedited, released in e-book format-only; 2) Harlequin-type paperback romance; 3) the first book in a multi-book series; or 4) free "previews" (read: excerpts) of upcoming new releases.

Looking at the general categories I just listed, it is obvious that these books are not going to be timeless and inspired pieces of literature.  They are simply entertainment to fill time or get you hooked on a certain author/series.  I call them "rainy day," "beach," or "guilty pleasure" reads.  I would say I download a good number of these free books, but I admit that I am at least selective about it.  Books involve "work" - you have to invest time and mental energy into a book, and thus, I do not indiscriminately download free books.  If it's complete rubbish, I can only take so much before deciding it's not even worth the zero dollars I paid for it.  I generally will click on ones that look at least semi-interesting, read the synopsis, and most importantly, look at the customer reviews.  If its synopsis doesn't freak me out or bore me, and the customer reviews are at least a 3 out of 5 stars... the book goes on my Nook.  I have probably downloaded over 100 books this way.  Most of them mindless romance novels.  They serve my purpose of entertainment well - not much thinking required and always a happy ending!  A nice escape from my thinking-heavy day job.

When I read customer reviews for these books, I am amazed at the people who complain about the books.  They are free, people!  How can you complain about free stuff?  Most common complaint?  "This book was a waste of my time."  I almost laugh out loud when I read that.  I have to believe that these people simply do not read the synopsis of the book, do not look at the book cover picture, or do not see that the publisher is SmashWords before downloading the book.  I mean, what kind of expectations do these people have?  I'm sorry, people, but your free e-book called "Rebel Hearts" is not going to be a literary masterpiece written by one of the great writers of our generation.  Its richest character development may simply be a description of the character's occupation, physical attractiveness, and repeated emphasis of her "reluctance to get her heart broken... again."  When your book is called "Naughty Nooners," it may have coarse language and adult content... and *gasp* may just be a 20 page piece of trashy erotica.  Further, if people have rated something under a 3 star rating... IT IS BAD.  Like, really bad.  (See this for an example of all things I mention here... and yes, seriously, this is a real book offered in Free Nookbooks.)  There are a lot of people with very low expectations or entertainment thresholds, and they will rate pretty bad books at least a 3.  Think of how a book gets a 2 star rating.  It has to be completely devoid of any redeeming qualities or even a slight appeal to any audience.  You cannot be the 20th reviewer of a 2-star book and complain that it was a waste of your time.  Of course it was!  I will repeat one of my favorite phrases for my lazy, self-important peers:  Use your brains, people!

Am I sometimes disappointed when I get to the end of a free book and think it was crap?  Sure.  I just kind of sigh and say "well, that was a waste of 3 hours" and delete it off my Nook.  Poof!  The end.  If I had spent $25 on a hardcover book and felt like that at the end... yeah I might go online and post an angry review.  When I spend $0, what do I expect?  Not much.  And neither should anyone else.  It is a sad reflection on society when people not only expect things to be convenient and free... but they also expect those free, convenient things to actually be high-quality!  Give me a break.  I liken these people to those who visit foreign countries and are offended that not everyone speaks English.  The world?... yeah... not revolving around you.

Chances are that no one cares if your arbitrary standards for free books were not met.  Chances are even greater that I would not trust your opinion, anyway, if you actually expected the book to be fantastic... because obviously your judgment is compromised.

Top 5 Signs of a Bad Driver

Bad driving is something I feel very strongly about.  We are all surrounded by an immense sea of idiots on the road.  How these people passed their driver's test is beyond me.  How they have made smart enough choices to even survive thus far in life sometimes astounds me.  When people do certain things in their cars, it is enough to make me launch off in a fit of road rage... safe within the confines of my vehicle.  I am lucky that I am such a non-confrontational person, because otherwise someone probably would have killed me in response to the rash of anger that explodes in my car at times.  I suppose that I value my life too much to engage in actual expressive road rage, thankfully.  Instead, I have decided to make a list of my top 5 worst driver offenses that I regularly witness.

1.  Not using your blinker.  I admit that I am sometimes guilty of this, but never when it actually impacts another driver's choices.  My frustration is when I want to turn left, and I see someone coming, so I wait... then it turns out they were turning also and didn't use their blinker.  Thus, I could have turned left and usually miss my chance and have to wait for another opening.  My usual response:  "Nice blinker, moron!"  Windows up, mind you.

Image via fuuuucomics.com

2.  Driving the wrong way down an aisle.  It seems like every time I go to the grocery store, someone is driving the wrong way down an aisle.  Guess what?  Those huge arrows are painted on the ground for a reason!  It means "go this way."  Without fail, people totally ignore these arrows and the fact that every car is slanted in the opposite direction, and then someone ends up having to back all the way down the aisle to let the other through.  My usual response:  "Use your brain people!"

Image via semibeard.wordpress.com

3.  People who need a 10 minute opening to turn left.  I am a cautious driver, and most driving offenses are on this list due to carelessness... but there is such a thing as being too careful.  This is the number one "too careful" offense.  My dad tells me this particular problem comes from a person's lack of depth perception, or at least that's what he tells my mom when she does it.  When I have to sit through multiple lights because someone will not take an opening to turn left, I am not a happy camper.  My usual response:  "10 people could have turned already!"

4.  Fast & the Furious Syndrome.  This is when someone changes lanes like they are street racing.  Once there is just enough room for them to squeeze between two cars, they cut in super quickly going about 20 mph over the speed limit, leaving you thanking God that your car didn't just get clipped into the concrete partition.  Perhaps they think acting like a race car driver makes their mundane task of driving more exciting, or perhaps they just think they are cooler and more important than every other driver on the road.  My usual response:  "I hope you get arrested!"

Image via sdcitybeat.com

*Sorry, this ≠ you.

5.  "I'm more important than everyone else."  This particular offense can manifest itself in multiple ways.  My "favorite" way is people who drive on the shoulder around stopped traffic on the highway.  They are basically telling you that their time is so much more important than yours that they don't have to obey traffic rules and can instead just flip everyone a big finger as they sidestep the parking lot of a lane in which you are sitting.  Great, thanks!  Another favorite is people who turn right on red when there is a huge sign that says "No right turn on red".  Where are police when you need them?  Also, people who leave their brights on when they are approaching you.  Grr!  My usual response to any offense I believe is related to a person's self-importance (unsurprisingly):  "Wow, now, they must be important!"

Not even in traffic jams!

Now, of course, there are endless traffic offenses that really make my blood boil, but these are simply the 5 that came to mind first.  I consider myself, generally, a pretty level-headed person... but something about bad drivers just brings out the rage in me, hardcore.  I wish I could just unilaterally revoke people's driver's licenses when I see them commit an atrocious driving offense.  Like a citizen's arrest.  I don't care how "free thinking" you are, I think everyone wishes they could have some control over the amount of idiocy around them.  Or, maybe it's just me...

Irrational Fear of the Week: Water Creatures

I have a huge list of things I am afraid of, and most of them, irrationally so.  I could make an entire blog just about my irrational fears.  Instead, I decided to make a "featurette" on this blog... because who really wants to read a blog full of someone's irrational fears?  Probably the same people who want to read the random junk I put on this blog.  No one.

So, anytime I am in a situation where a natural body of water is involved, I get apprehensive.  I do NOT want to go in that water--no way, no how.  I usually try to make up an excuse like "I don't feel like swimming" or "I can't swim very well"... "I don't want to get sunburned."  All kinds of things.  People often ask if I'm afraid of deep water, and sometimes I lie and just say "yes."  And, people are pretty understanding about that.  My real fear, however, is not deep water per se.  It is what lurks within that deep water!

I am terrified of water creatures.  All of them.  Even the ones that I know cannot hurt me.  Tons of people are afraid of sharks, stingrays, jellyfish, water snakes, eels.  I'm afraid of those, sure.  But I am also afraid of normal fish, turtles, whatever.  Anything in the water is a potential source of terror.  It is not the fish themselves, in theory... it is the "not knowing" associated with being in the water.  I don't know 1) what is in there, 2) where it is, or 3) what that is rubbing against my leg (a combination of 1 & 2).  This leads to a world of anxiety for me in the water.  With enough goading, I will get in the water and just silently, or vocally, freak out the entire time.

My closer friends know my "real" fear of water creatures, and when I tell people, they find it hilarious and/or ridiculous.  Somehow, the fear of deep water is legitimate, but the fear of things lurking in the water is not.  If we are in a lake, people will say "don't worry, there are no sharks in here!", as if sharks are the only thing you could possibly be afraid of!  Is it so hard to imagine that the mere idea of something swimming around/under me without me knowing what it is or being able to see it... scares the crap out of me in itself !?  Perhaps I am just an anxious person.  Well, obviously I am since I am afraid of about 50 irrational things!  Ha.

I have found that if I can see everything in the water, I'm pretty OK.  If the water is crystal clear, I am happy as a lark (this is, naturally, my reasoning for why every one of my vacations has to be to a tropical island...and so far, this logic is working - last two vacations:  Hawaii and Jamaica :)).  If I have goggles, I can be as deep as I want and look at everything underneath me and feel secure.  If I cannot see what is beneath/around me, this is often what I envision is lurking beneath my free-wiggling toes:

Image via www.topnews.in

Yes, even in small freshwater streams.  Irrational?  Yes.  I already said it was!

Funny thing is... if I wear shoes in the water, I feel 1000x better.  Something about feeling my unprotected naked feet swinging free in the watery abyss does not sit well with me.  Also, if I am very close to another person, I feel better... as if they will "alert" me if something is approaching, or that "something" will get them first (I swear I am older than 8...).  Note that I have never been bitten/stung/etc. by any kind of water creature.  This is a totally unfounded, random fear.  I grew up in the country, swimming in lakes and creeks.  I didn't swim in pools.  It makes zero sense that I have developed this fear.  That is why it is my Irrational Fear of the Week.

I am one of "those" people...

...the people who like to read the end of the novel before they begin it.  I shamelessly admit that I will often flip to the final chapter first to see what kind of ending it will have before I read it.  To my credit, I will still read the novel, whatever the ending, but I am just not good with anticipation.  Anticipation is my enemy.  This may be best evidenced by the fact that I get "addicted" to TV shows or books.  I will sit down and watch an entire season of a show or read an entire book (or a whole SERIES of either), because I have trouble finding a "stopping point."  I always want to know what happens next, and if it is available to me, I have real problems just stopping and doing something else.  I neeeeed to know what happens next!  I actually missed days of school in law school because I was so engulfed in a TV show that I couldn't bring myself to leave the apartment.  I once finished a book at the airport, and I wanted to read the next in the series so badly that I paid airport prices for the hardcover of the book, just so I could read it right then.  It's a sickness.

Luckily, most of my guilty pleasure vapid romance novels have incredibly predictable endings, and I can figure it out about 3 pages into the book, or I know what I'm getting going in (which is why I love vapid romance novels!).  "Real" books, I suffer from the anticipation too much, so I often either read the ending... or look it up online.

In case you are wondering, Wikipedia is an awesome source for finding the plotlines/endings of movies and books.  It lays it all out there.  You would think there would be some kind of policy against this... or a big SPOILER warning, but nope.  Just read the entry, and you will know all.  I also read every spoiler page known to man for TV shows.  My husband cannot understand why I even bother reading/watching something when I already know what happens.  I have been known to even read an entire recap for a TV episode before watching it.  I have to be very careful not to divulge my spoilery info to my hubby because he gets genuinely mad about spoilers.  I, on the other hand, love the spoilers.  I love knowing what's going to happen. I figure life is unpredictable enough on its own.  I want to enjoy my entertainment... and I do not enjoy the "not knowing" or the "surprises."  And, I don't find that spoilers have any effect on my enjoyment or experience of a show/film/book.  I still get invested in characters that I know will die, I still root for the guy who doesn't get the girl, I still cry at the sad moments, and I'm still scared to death when something spooky happens.  I just like to be prepared for what's going to happen.

I liken my viewing/reading habit to that of a "second" view/read.  Many, many people re-watch shows/movies or re-read books.  I do it.  Some movies I've seen 20 times... and some books I've read 5 or 6.  A lot of people even say that they enjoy something more the 2nd time because they can pick up on things they didn't before, or can understand the significance of events in relation to the ending.  Well, that is how I feel watching something for the first time, with my knowledge of spoilery goodness.

Now, I do not spoil every single piece of entertainment... but I'd say it's about 60%.  There are some things that I think are better left unspoiled.  I rarely spoil horror films... and if I am reading a book "series", I will not actively seek out spoilers on the next book... thought I do not avoid them, either.  Sometimes if a movie review says something unexpected happens in the movie and they advise you not to spoil it for yourself, I will try to avoid spoilers.  Other than those limited areas, all other spoilers are pretty welcomed.  I actually think I enjoy things more when I know what's going to happen.  It allows me to relax and focus on what's happening instead of trying to figure out the ending or "where they're going" with something (which I unavoidably do).

So, there you have it.  I am one of "those" people.  I think there should be a name for "us"...like a disorder.  OCD people get it.  Wait, maybe this is a form of OCD.  This calls for further research!  (my favorite!)

You do NOT swallow spiders in your sleep.

I'm sure everyone has heard the "statistic" about how many spiders a person swallows every year.  I confess that this freaked me out more than I would like to admit.  And, today, I found out this is a complete MYTH.  You do not swallow spiders in your sleep!

You have no idea the load this takes off of my mind.  I seriously worried about swallowing spiders in my sleep for the longest time.  I would check my bed for spiders every night and worry every time I felt the slightest sensation on my skin, sure it was a spider readying for the attack.  I just always hoped the spiders waited until I was asleep to crawl in my mouth, because I'm pretty sure I would have had a heart attack if they had done so while I was awake.

Perpetuating this myth as reality in my mind was an unsettling encounter I had about 2 years ago.  (As an aside, my mother always told me if I didn't make my bed, spiders would get in it.  Not sure if this is true...)  Two years ago, I was living in an apartment by myself while studying for the bar exam, and my husband was living in another city.  So, I was basically living like a hobo... I had no real furniture.  I had wicker outdoor furniture as my "living room", a card table and chairs as my "dining room", and a blow-up mattress on the floor as my bedroom.  That was it.  So, one morning I woke up on my blow-up mattress, and I can feel something on my hand, I thought it was a stray hair or something.  I look down, and a relatively large spider is CRAWLING ON MY HAND.  I am actually surprised at my level of consciousness at that moment, but I thought to myself "I don't want to freak out and startle it, because then it will bite me, run away, and I will never find it... and it will forever be creeping around my apartment."  So, I slowly reached for a tissue and grabbed it and smashed it...and flushed it.  Cool head led to desired result:  the spider was gone forever.  But, this encounter solidified in my head that spiders crawl on you while you are asleep and you swallow them.  After all, I woke up to one crawling on me!!!  I slept wrapped up in covers after that, making sure my covers could not touch the floor, as I was convinced that was how the spider got to me.  I am glad to report that I have yet to see another spider crawling on me when I awake in the mornings.

Today, I saw a spider (pretty sure it was a brown recluse) crawling by the garden hose.  I freaked a bit and smashed it - sorry PETA.  But, this led me to wonder if these things were inside my house crawling in my beds, yet again.  So, I actually looked up the "statistic" about swallowing spiders on the internet, and multiple sources confirmed it was false.  My sanity thanks you, internet gods.

I can now sleep at night, knowing that this is not happening:

image via sodahead.com

By the way, that image is incredibly disturbing and will probably give me nightmares.  Creepy kids are the worst.  Alas, that is a subject for another blog.  I seriously think this girl could marry the kid from The Ring.