Irrational Fear of the Week: Ledges

Thinking about my irrational fears, I can't help but notice a theme.  It seems that I have very specific fears.  Maybe everyone else has specific fears but only generalizes them for ease of discussion or relation.  This week's fear is as specific as "water creatures":  ledges.

Note that I do not say I am afraid of heights, though the term "ledges" may appear to connote that association.  That's because I'm not afraid of "height" in itself.  It's not like the higher I get, the more afraid I become.  I have no problems with airplanes... in fact, I love flying.  I have no problem with ferris wheels, tall buildings, enclosed balconies.  It is not how high I am that frightens me.  It's more the ease with which that height can result in my injury or death.  Thus, the fear of ledges.

You can easily fall off of a ledge, even with a railing of some sort... and injury is likely even at very low heights.  Planes?  Hard to fall out of... and rarely crash.  Tall buildings?  Not scary unless it's a balcony with minimal/flimsy railing.  Ferris wheels, roller coasters, and other such things do not bother me unless it is very easy for you to fall out.

I have one roller coaster that I've ever been afraid of in my life, and I refuse to ride it again.  Most roller coasters, you feel pretty secure.  They are either tame, lap-belt roller coasters that you would have to try to jump out of... or they are the overhead harness that usually hydraulically latches into place and has a "backup" manual safety belt, too.  Basically, I usually feel pretty secure on most rides.  However, I went on the Superman ride at Six Flags in Chicago... and I almost had a panic attack.  It was horrible!  I seriously thanked God I was still alive after it was over, and I refused to ride it again.  For those of you who have never ridden this particular ride, let me elaborate.  You get on this roller coaster, and you sit in one of those hanging-down seats like on many roller coasters.  The little hydraulic overhead harness comes down and "latches" into place with some kind of magnetic bolts or something.  No manual "backup" belt to be found.  That, alone, would merely shake me a bit.  But, then your seats get pulled back and lifted up, so you are lying on your stomach and "flying" through the air like Superman.  So, if for some reason, your harness malfunctioned, you would simply drop flat on your face out of the ride... no stationary seat is beneath you.  As you can imagine, for the entire duration of the ride, I had a death grip on my harness, had my eyes closed, and was basically hyperventilating.  I'm not sure if my death grip was strong enough to keep me from falling if my harness had malfunctioned, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances.  Now, this isn't a "ledge" obviously, but it has all the characteristics of a ledge that frightens me... so I think it's the same concept.

When I went to the Grand Canyon, I thought it was beautiful and amazing.  Until I stepped to the railing of the viewing area.  The railing is situated about a foot in from the ledge of the canyon, and it's about a mile drop down to the bottom.  That's a definite "dead" situation if you fall... probably even an "unrecognizable" dead.  Not to mention the fact that you would be falling for what would seem like hours, terrified and screaming.  To make matters worse, the park ranger tells us that at least one tourist a year falls in and dies!  No worries about me getting too close!  Since the time I visited, they have installed a "skywalk" at the Grand Canyon that extends out over the canyon:

Oh, and it has a glass floor (well, I guess it's not actually "glass" but it's transparent).  Trying to think of how much money you would have to pay me, or what you would have to threaten me with, to get me to go out there...

So, I think the logic behind my fear of ledges can be summarized as follows:

Basically, the easier something is to fall off of, the more afraid I become.  Also, the longer I would theoretically spend falling and being terrified or hurt before hitting the ground, the more afraid I become.  I think it's the perceived level of fear associated with falling off of a ledge that heightens its "scary" factor.  If I don't think a ledge is very easy to fall off of, but I then fall off of it and die quickly, that wouldn't be that scary of a death (I wouldn't have anticipated the fall, and would not have been scared for long before hitting the ground).  However, if I think a ledge is very easy to fall off of, and I fall for a long time before dying... that would be a majorly scary death because of the amount of anticipation and fear associated.   So, the more terrifying the fall/death would be, the more apprehensive I am about the ledge.  Makes sense to me!

Like my fear of water creatures, my fear of ledges is an adult-manifested fear.  As a kid, I laughed at my mom when she was scared that I would fall off of things, and I would lean over and act like I was going to fall.  I think that as the possibility of death became more real to me, the more phobias I developed.  When you are 8, you aren't thinking that a roller coaster could kill you, you are thinking it's fun and exciting.  The Grand Canyon looks cool, and you want to climb up on the railing to have a closer look.  You aren't thinking that you could plummet to your drawn-out, painful, and terrifying death.  And, once you realize that very real possibility, no matter how small it is, you can't help but think of that and only that.

It is incredibly difficult for me to appreciate the adventure of rappelling, the excitement of the Grand Canyon skyway, or the beauty of a hot balloon ride.  All I can think is death.  I know the odds that any of these situations would result in my death is incredibly slim... and it is irrational to think I would be the .001%.  That is why this is my irrational fear of the week.