Wii Fit: The Game I Love to Hate.

Wii Fit is the most depressing game ever invented.  I was in a bad mood when I got home from work, and I just wanted to do something that would relax me and make me feel better.  I was too zonked to make the trip to the gym, so I decided to drag out the old Wii Fit for a little light exercise.  I turned it on, and it said that it had been 105 days since I last used it.  It then quipped, "But don't worry, I would never forget your name... Steve!"  Ha.  You are sooo funny little Wii Fit Board... acting like you, a program, don't remember my name.  Such positive reinforcement!

"Feel bad about yourself!  Fatty!"

Then, I did my little fitness test, and it gave me all of the balance games that I suck at!  My Wii Fit age?  The number 33 hit with a wah-wah of blatant disappointment and a thud like a ton of bricks.  Then my mii got all sad and hunched over like it had been destroyed by the number on the screen.  Wii Fit then proceeded to tell me that 33 is 7 years older than my real age, and it flashed a big 7 on the screen.  At this point, I'm fairly convinced the Wii Fit is designed solely to make you feel like crap.  Wow, what a great strategy!  I totally want to buy another one of these games!

Then, the best part of the fitness test... the weigh-in!  Duh duh DUH!  I weighed in, and my BMI flashed on the screen.  Normal!  Woo hoo!  Something to be excited about.  It told me I've lost 5 pounds since the last time I weighed in.  Great!  Keep it coming!  Next, it talked about the goal I had set a few months ago to reach a certain BMI in a set amount of time.  Well, that time was up, and it asked "Did you meet your goal?"  More wah-wah-ing.  "Oh!  You didn't meet your goal!"  Thank you for the reminder!  It then said something along the lines of "Maybe you should try a more attainable goal next time..." and suggested a new goal that I lose 12 more pounds.  Eff you Wii Fit!  You lose 12 pounds!

At this point, I began shouting obscenities at the Wii Fit and making self-deprecating comments about how I fail at everything...even the Wii Fit tells me I'm a failure.  How I have no goals in life and never meet any of the goals I do set.  On and on, yelling at the Wii Fit and wallowing in a sea of failure.  (Granted, this was due to me already being in a bad mood because I failed to meet goals at work...).  I then punched the little "OK" stamp on the date to show my progress... though I think the Wii Fit would have an issue with calling my efforts "progress."  "Participation," perhaps.  Like those lame ribbons that the losers got in grade school.

I decided, I'm going to kick the Wii Fit's butt.  I'll show Wii Fit who's boss!  So, I queued up 20 exercises in a row to do.  It made a snarky comment about how that's a lot to do and I needed to make sure I didn't push myself too hard.  Talk about mixed messages.  First, I suck, then I'm trying too hard?  I told it I would push myself as hard as I wanted to!  I then began my exercises.  I was wobbly on a few and it yelled at me.  I did one new exercise, and at the end, it "suggested" that maybe I should practice new exercises before adding them to my routine... though maybe it had a point because Steve had to hold me up so I didn't fall over while trying it....   Chalk up another point for Wii Fit, Supreme Overlord of Negative Reinforcement.  When it was done being a jerk, the little piggy bank put all my minutes in and turned gold because I had completed 10 hours... and it got all excited and jumped around and played a jingle.  Well, Mr. Piggy Bank, at least someone appreciates my efforts!  I say you stage a coup to overthrow the Supreme Overlord!

Now, after my encounter with the heartless Wii Fit, I am left in a quandary.  Do I start using the Wii Fit more regularly so it is nicer to me?  Or do I stuff it back in the closet and avoid its negativity?  Either way, I feel like it is winning!  Those clever Japanese...