At Easter, my aunt and cousin both told me they want me to start having kids because they want a baby in the family. Ah, the curse of being the oldest grandchild. I told them if they want to pay my daycare bills, I will gladly birth a baby this exact moment. Yeah... didn't think so.
On the phone the other day, my mother told me that she wishes I would have had a baby young so she could be a young grandmother. She's 54. She is not going to be an "old" grandma unless I wait 10 more years to have kids (which I won't). She also often tells me that she's "ready" for grandchildren. Sorry, mom, but I'm your only hope... so you will be a grandma when I'm ready.
The best encounter was this weekend when I went to a neighbor's wedding. My friend's 7 year old daughter came up to me, and the first thing she says is: "Are you pregnant?" I replied, "Do I look pregnant?" She stared at my belly, deep in thought, and finally said "Well, you look kind of like Mom did when she was first pregnant, before she got big." (Translation: I look completely normal and could not even pass for 3 months pregnant.) I assured her that I was not pregnant and even invited her to feel my belly to see if anything was in there. She put her hands on it... and after feeling nothing... sighed and said "Ohhhh, maaaan. When are you going to be pregnant!?" I told her it would be at least another year. "A year!??!" To a 7 year old, a year is a loooong time. I told her maybe she will be old enough to babysit when I have a baby. A deep frown creased her face and she crossed her arms.
The constant questioning about my gestational status has left me with the conclusion that, at some magical age, a woman becomes a baby factory. At that point in her life, she is expected to start pumping out those babies. I knew the time would come that people would start asking about babies... just as a single woman expects to be asked about when she is getting married. I just didn't think it would be so soon! I thought maybe 30 would be the magic number. I'm not yet 27. I blame the early timing of the onslaught on the fact that I grew up in rural middle America. In the country, people get married young and have children young. In my hometown, a lot of people my age and younger have had multiple kids already. This puts the extra pressure on. Everyone sees these other people having children, and the expectations start getting directed toward me!
Funny that no one ever asks the men when they are having children. Sure, some people will occasionally ask my husband when we are planning on having children. But, they never ask him if he's pregnant... they never request babies from him. I am solely in charge of getting this baby going. Men are not baby factories. They play an undetermined supporting role of some kind. Like, a foreman in the factory, perhaps.
In our case, my baby factory's foreman is holding up production. He is in grad school right now, and so I am generating our only income. One income means no baby in our book. It's hard for some to imagine, but I would like to actually be prepared for and be able to afford a baby. I'm not just going to have a baby because I happen to want one. I am not sure what money people expect me to use for daycare, or if they expect me to quit my job, but this
Once the hubby graduates next year and we have steady health insurance and two incomes for the first time in our 5-year marriage... I would love to talk to everyone about all the babies I'm having. Until then, the foreman is laid off, and this baby factory will remain closed.
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| image via zazzle.com |
Amen sista. Brad and I decided to wait on that subject too while I was in school. No shame in being methodical about it!
ReplyDeleteLOL I could have written this a few years ago! EVERYONE asked us ALL THE TIME when we were having children. Granted, we got married in 2000 so yes, we waited a long time. But, lik you, we wanted to both be out of school, have a house, have insurance, two incomes, and some money in the bank. We wanted our bills as paid off as possible so we could do the things we wanted for our children. And, frankly, we just weren't ready yet.
ReplyDeleteThen, one day, we were. We both had great jobs with good hours, two incomes with insurance, a house, three dogs, paid off cars, some money in the bank, and we were at the point in our lives and marriage where we were ready to share it with another person. Becoming a parent is an amazing journey but it isn't always easy. I can tell you it is the BEST decision we ever made, hands down, but YOU have to be ready for it. I completely understand where you are coming from and it is frustrating. In fact, my father-in-law and I got into a bit of an argument about this very thing. He kept harping on ME (not Justin) about having a baby. The final straw came in August 2008 when he said let's get Justin a baby for his birthday! I was so tired of hearing about it that I blew up at him and told him it was our decision, our lives, and that he needed to back off. There was more to it but that was the gist. He didn't say another word and lo and behold...we now have Cayden for them to spoil!
So, if it comes down to it, you may have to tell people to back off. It's hard to do that but it is even harder to deal with the constant pressure. You will know when you are ready and you have a lot of time. I'm 32 and just had Cayden...you aren't even 27 yet so tell everyone to leave you alone! LOL