Our Newest Backyard Resident

So, yesterday we were out grilling in the yard, and I saw this huge spiderweb built between our fence and some plants.  It was one of those big Charlotte's Web-type things... about 3 feet wide, maybe.  It basically looked kind of like this:

I looked up the spider from Charlotte's Web, and it actually is in the same family as the spider in my yard... I will check each day for special messages from the spider... 

I got closer to take a look, and what was resting in the middle but this guy:

His body was almost the size of a dime, and his legs were long and creepy.  He was just sitting there in the middle, waiting for his prey to fall in his trap.  I say "he" even though I'm almost positive this is a female spider, and I am even more positive that she is going to hatch a billion eggs in my yard and fill my garden with her progeny.

Needless to say, I freaked out when I saw this thing.  I do NOT like creepy-crawlies, evidenced by the fact that I made an entire post about the worst creepy-crawlies.  I get this involuntary shudder in my body, and my gag reflex wants to kick in.  They gross me out.  Just thinking about it right now is making me kind of nervous.  

I was too afraid to kill the spider, as it was sitting on this huge web... and I was convinced that if I tried to kill it, it would fall off the web, and it might scurry into my house.  This was my line of thinking.  A "known" creepy-crawly is much less scary than an unknown one.  One sitting in its web in the plants:  safety.  One on the loose, possibly crawling in my bed:  scary.

So, I decided to look up what this nasty spider was.  I found out that it is a marbled orb weaver spider.  It is not aggressive to humans, though if it does bite you, it feels like a bee sting and won't really hurt you.  So, I decided to spare its life, mostly for the aforementioned reason that I didn't want to free it from its web and have it be on the loose.  I don't care how "safe" it is to humans, that thing is NOT crawling on me.  Plus, I am really weird about killing large bugs.  Small bugs are easy.  You just swat them with something and *poof* gone.  Large bugs are more resilient and "crunchier".  The crunching really grosses me out.  When I get a particularly large house centipede, it crunches when I kill it, and the sound makes me gag.  The worst crunchy creepy crawly in memory is this huge millipede that I saw crawling on our basement floor when I was down there using the computer in high school (seriously, it was like... 6 inches long and almost an inch wide).  It was like 1am, so I couldn't wake anyone up to come kill it.  So, I grabbed my dad's shoe and hit it.  And it didn't even crack its body armor!  I had to hit it like 5 or 6 times, and it was this huge gooey, crunchy mess.  Wow, it was nasty.  I would like to avoid repeating that experience for the rest of my life, if possible.

So, for now, Mr. Orb Weaver has a free pass to continue lording over my backyard with his giant web of death.  I think I shall call him Orby for short.  I read about someone who killed a mosquito and threw it on the spider's web, and she quickly consumed it.  I am anxious to try this with Orby... if he does not decide to relocate his web.  I will embrace his presence in my yard, as long as he stays on his web and doesn't try to infiltrate the house.  I guess, for the time being, I have a gigantic pet spider.  Yuck.  

Keep your friends close...




UPDATE:  Picture of the REAL Orby!  (or at least his underside... he won't face the camera, lol)