Dream Jobs: Young Adult Fiction Novelist

As with my last "dream jobs" post, this dream job falls within the writing profession.  A blogger dreams of jobs for which she would do nothing but write, you say?  Shocking!

First, let me define what I mean by "young adult fiction novelist" (YA novelist, for short).  Examples of young adult fiction include:  Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Twilight, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, etc.  A YA novelist writes fiction geared toward teenagers, and though it may have a wider appeal, the writing is primarily targeting a younger audience.

I feel like this job relates to a very specific subset of writers, one which I would fall into quite nicely.  A YA novelist has to be able to write well enough to hold the reader's attention, but they probably won't be winning a Pulitzer anytime soon.  You have to be a "good" writer to succeed, but you don't have to be a "great" writer.  In fact, most "great" writers might be insulted by the idea of being a YA novelist.  And, great writers would not be very successful as YA novelists.  Teenagers don't want to read "great" literature... look at high school English classes and the popularity of things like Cliff's Notes that allow teenagers to avoid reading great literature.  Sure, as a teenager, I enjoyed reading great literature... but I was particularly nerdy.

I, however, am admittedly not a "great" writer, and I relish the idea of being a YA novelist for a few reasons.

Reason #1.  Young adults have low standards.  I mean, have you seen what is on MTV nowadays?  Jersey Shore?  Teen Mom?  Miley Cyrus?  Seriously, how good of a writer do you need to be to engage teenage minds?  For the most part, they probably couldn't care less about writing style, symbolism, or originality.  Teenagers are usually looking for one thing when they read:  entertainment.  Granted, most adults are also looking for the same thing... but they expect a higher level of quality and intelligence in their entertainment.  Teenagers will tolerate an extraordinarily high level of repetition and cliches.  You could write almost the same exact story over and over again, just changing key things like names and settings, and teenagers would love every single book.  In fact, they are usually looking for a certain formula and outcome in their novels, just as women look for a certain formula in their romance novels.  You don't want a romance novel where the heroine doesn't get the guy in the end (take note, Nicholas Sparks... there are "tearjerkers," and then there is Nights in Rodanthe.  Awful.).  In that same vein, young adults want a novel where there is a "good" side and a "bad" side... characters have to band together to overcome an obstacle... and the protagonist "wins" in the end, learning a lesson in the process.  There may or may not need to be a romance of some kind thrown in there... definitely, if it is geared toward females.  Supernatural characters also instantly up the appeal.  Lower standards = less stress.

This is what you are competing with.

Reason #2.  Teenagers are incredibly spoiled.  Really, parents spend ridiculous amounts of money on their children.  And, any money that teenagers happen to get, they spend indiscriminately.  I'm not complaining, as I was obviously a beneficiary of this trend as a teenager, but the teenage market is a goldmine.  The entertainment industry understands this and purposefully markets toward the younger generation.  If a teenager wants something, their parents buy it for them.  Why?  Teenagers are horrible, that's why!  Parents will do anything to placate angst-ridden teens.  I remember... I was one of those teens.  Generally, parents will take whatever small measures they can to avoid their teenagers' wrath.  It is also almost impossible to understand or predict why your teenage son or daughter is angry with you... so, when it is obvious that they are angry because they want "x" book, you give them "x" book.  Even if you only get 3 days of silence while your child reads said book... it is probably worth the $12 you spent on it.  Plus, at least it's a book.  Your child is reading for entertainment.  You have just succeeded as a parent!

Cha-ching!

Reason #3.  Young adult books make great movie franchises or TV shows.  It seems like every recent major multi-movie franchise has been based on YA novels.  Not to mention the slew of CW or ABC Family shows based on YA novels.  But, YA novels don't just stop at movies and television, oh no.  They can turn into multimedia extravaganzas.  Just think of the endless amount of Harry Potter merchandise in every medium imaginable.  Video games.  Toys.  Websites.  Costumes.  Food.  It even got its own theme park!  Twilight is well on its way to a similar level of multimedia success, and I anticipate that Hunger Games will follow shortly.  If you write a successful YA series, it is almost guaranteed that said success will parlay into something far broader and more lucrative.  With adults, you can make books into movies or TV shows, and they are likely to at least be moderately successful.  But, as far as additional merchandising goes, "adult" books can only reach so far.  You don't really see John Grisham video games, toys, mugs, calendars, or t-shirts...

And, I was so hoping for a Michael Crichton lunchbox!

Reason #4.  I like reading young adult books.  I admit it.  I like young adult books... maybe even more than actual adult books.  I'm not ashamed.  After all, I have already admitted that I love the show Vampire Diaries (though I have yet to succumb to the temptation to read the bazillion books the show is based on...). I'm trying to force myself to read more adult books, but they just aren't as fun!  Perhaps it is my inner child... or my immature "young at heart" attitude.  I love the escapist elements of YA fiction.  I am instantly transported back to being a teenager myself, which can sometimes be a bit dangerous, but is most times a welcomed escape from the reality of adulthood.  And, I figure, if I'm the one writing the YA fiction, I would spend even more time lost in that escape.  Whether enjoying reading YA novels translates into enjoying writing YA novels is yet to be seen... but it is a quandary that I would be happy to explore!

I tried to find a clever representation of me exploring a quandary.  Apparently, this is Quandary Peak.  As much fun as a 14,000 foot mountain looks, I would rather explore a figurative quandary.

Basically, these reasons boil down to two things:  money and enjoyment.  Isn't that what a dream job is, anyway?  A job that provides you with money and enjoyment.  And, yes, I know that only like one out of a thousand YA novelists will ever reach any level of success... and I'm sure it's much harder than I make it out to be (maybe).  But, I can dream...

Addicted to Christmas

Hello everyone, my name is Amanda, and I am an addict.

That's right... I'm addicted to Christmas.  Christmas addiction is a disease that receives very little recognition, and as someone who has suffered from it my entire life, I feel compelled to shed some light on this debilitating affliction.  Christmas addiction can manifest itself in many ways, but if you are suffering from Christmas addiction, you may experience the following symptoms:

1.  You are enthusiastic about winter-themed flannel pajama sets, and you wear them all year round.  Even in July.  You may even turn down your thermostat so you are not uncomfortably warm wearing said pajamas.  And, also, you are an adult.

Just looking at this makes me want to rush out and buy more flannel pajama sets!

2.  You have or plan to have a massive Christmas village scene on display in your home.  You know what I'm talking about.  Those miniature buildings and such that you can use to construct a huge Christmas village, complete with fake snow, streetlights, and working electricity.  The ambitious may even have a train running through or around the village.  It all starts with seeing those pretty villages in an in-flight magazine or on a holiday commercial.  So you buy one building, maybe two... just to put on the mantle.

But, it really doesn't look like much of a Christmas village sitting up on the mantle without streets.  You need more buildings, so you can have streets!  So, you buy a few more, and you set up a little square on your coffee table.

But, your village is missing a post office.  A library.  A restaurant!  How can you have a real Christmas village without a post office!?  How will the letters get to Santa?  Soon, you could film miniature sequences for Miracle on 34th Street in your living room.  And, you have a baby gate up to keep the cat from eating the plastic trees and white batting.

3.  You begin listening to Christmas music before the radio stations start playing it.  I think a lot of stations start playing Christmas music at the beginning of November now.  So, basically, you are listening to Christmas music before Halloween.  Most normal people think radio stations start the Christmas music too early, but you can't believe there isn't a station that plays Christmas music year-round!  You can sing along with every song that comes on the Christmas station, and every tune elicits the reply, "Oh my god, I love this song!"  Because you do, indeed, love every Christmas song.  The fact that there are so many songs about Christmas and none about any other holiday only reinforces your belief that Christmas is the most supreme holiday of all.  No one sings about Halloween.  That is barely even a holiday.  Rather, it is simply a place-marker to remind you that Christmas is less than two months away.  Like the 2-minute warning in football.

4.  You despise "autumn" decorations.  Let's face it, autumn decorations simply cut into the time that could be spent displaying Christmas decorations.  Many people think Christmas decorations are only "properly" displayed between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  That is only a month of Christmas decorations. That is not nearly enough time devoted to the beauty of Christmas.

Autumn decorations are drab and earth-toned...

Let's put a bunch of dead foliage in a basket shaped like the animal  we are eating for dinner!  
Depressing.

Christmas decorations are sparkly and colorful!

Lush greenery with ribbons and ornaments in bright reds and shimmering golds... and  gifts!

The leaves turn colors... isn't that enough autumnal decoration?  The way you see it, if you can describe the air temperature as "chilly," it's time for Christmas decorations.  If there is even the slightest chance that temperatures could go low enough for a snow flurry, Christmas is in the air... and it should be everywhere else, as well.  From October to March.  Besides, what other decorations do you put up from January to March anyway?  Valentine's Day?  That's even less of a holiday than Halloween.

5.  You're dreaming of a white Christmas.  While others despise the snow for the inconvenience it brings in all aspects of driving and home maintenance, you can't get enough of the stuff.  The only thing that makes Christmas even better and more beautiful than it already is, is a fresh blanket of fluffy shimmering snow on Christmas Day.  Heck, you would even take ice in a pinch.  At least ice makes everything shiny and pretty.  All that winter weather might keep you from leaving the house, but who cares?  Why would you want to leave the house on Christmas anyway?  You have food, decorations, presents, Christmas music... you could subsist on Christmas cheer alone if you had to.  Though, to be honest, you probably have stockpiled supplies a few days in advance in hopes that you would get snowed in.

You are the only one excited to see this when you look out your window.
Who cares if your car is buried in 2 feet of snow?  Look how pretty it makes the trees!

6.  You don't care about the gifts.  This may seem a little counter-intuitive, but true Christmas addicts are not addicted to the gifts... they are addicted to the Christmas season.  The crux of the materialistic component of Christmas addiction is the draw toward perpetuating the Christmas season in any way possible... which usually manifests itself in the form of decorations, music, scented candles.  If the gifts are your main draw, you may be suffering from a different addiction... maybe you should watch that movie "Confessions of a Shopaholic," though it really doesn't do much to discourage being a shopaholic because, in the end, she lives happily ever after with a cute Englishman.

7.  You bake Christmas cookies... and lots of them.  You may not bake a single cookie for the rest of the entire year, but at Christmastime, your crank those cookies out by the hundreds.  You spend inordinate amounts of time selecting the perfect recipes, finding the perfect tins or platters, and just generally making your cookies as beautiful, Christmas-y, and delicious as possible.  And, you are known as "the" person who makes Christmas cookies by all who encounter you and your picture-perfect cookies, which are delivered with inexplicable amounts of cheer.

Your Christmas cookies look more
like this.

Other people's Christmas cookies look
like this.

8.  Your Christmas tree or lights stay up longer than 6 weeks... on purpose.  Just because you are too lazy or "don't have time" to take down the tree or the lights does not make you an addict.  It makes you an American.  And, if you leave the lights on your house year-round, you might just be a redneck.  However, making the conscious decision to leave your Christmas decorations up for longer than 6 weeks because you enjoy them may point to a full-blown addiction.  Six weeks is kind of an arbitrary number arrived at by figuring that most people put up the tree the weekend after Thanksgiving.  And, most people take it down after New Year's.  That's about 6 weeks of tree, and it's doubtful that people would have lights up if they don't have their tree up.  So, 6 weeks is probably a "normal" amount of time to leave Christmas decorations up.  If you put up the decorations before Thanksgiving or leave them up after mid-January, and you have actually planned it that way, you have a problem.

You might be a redneck if... your house looks like this in July.

9.  You say things like, "This tastes like Christmas."  Or, "it smells like Christmas."  Or, "Christmas is in the air!"  Any kind of implication that Christmas has physical characteristics of any kind is probably a warning sign.  For instance, many Christmas addicts have a strange pull toward Starbucks' peppermint mochas.  You may not know this, but you can actually get a peppermint mocha any time of the year.  But, it's just not the same as when it is the seasonal drink.  Christmas addicts also burn holiday candles non-stop during the Christmas season.  You may have a favorite scent that "smells like Christmas" to you.  For instance, I think evergreen trees smell like Christmas, so I keep a stock of evergreen-scented candles on hand.  For others, it may be spiced cider or gingerbread.  Addicts have been known to be able to sense snow coming, as well.  The scent of snow is like a drug to them, and they can smell it far before normal people.

10.  Christmas things that other people find cheesy... you find awesome.  Case in point:  Christmas lawn ornaments.  A lot of people find these tacky and horrendous, and would not be caught dead with them on their lawns.  Your lawn, however, contains a glowing Santa and all his reindeer, mechanical elves, huge inflated snowmen, and a complete nativity scene... front and center, with lights to spare.  Your neighbors make comments to you like, "Wow, what's the electricity bill like on these things?"  or  "Don't you think that will tear up your grass?"  in attempts to dissuade your gaudy display.  Everyone slows down as they drive by your house, and people probably come by to see what you did "this year."

The giant Winnie the Pooh is a nice touch.

If you found yourself agreeing with most of these statements, you may be suffering from Christmas addiction.  This list is not exhaustive and is merely meant to serve as a guide for diagnosis.  Addicts each exhibit a unique combination of symptoms at varying levels of severity, so a diagnosis must be made on a case-to-case basis.  There is no known cure for Christmas addiction, but it is still possible for addicts to live a full, relatively normal life.  Warm weather may help keep symptoms under control, but flare-ups are likely to occur in colder temperatures.  The most important thing we can do is educate the public on the disease and promote tolerance and understanding.  Sadly, Christmas addicts are often ostracized or ridiculed by the general public for their condition.  Education is the first step to acceptance.

Vulcans Don't Cry... Much.

Between the ages of 7 and 17, I can remember crying in front of people exactly twice.  I'm sure there may be more, but suffice it to say, I was not a crier.

Crying Episode #1
The first time I remember crying in front of someone was watching The Lion King for the first time, and every single time since.  (SPOILER ALERT!!! - although, if you haven't seen The Lion King, you are dead to me.  Heck, even Disney thinks you really need to see The Lion King.  That is why it is in theaters again!) When Mufasa died, I cried like a baby.  Gauging by the release date, I suppose I was about 10.  Thinking about it now, I am really disturbed by the fact that companies produce movies specifically for children... that make children cry.  Well, that is neither here nor there.

I know how you feel, Simba.

What I specifically remember about this crying occurrence is that my mother saw me crying and started laughing at me.  She came around the chair to look at my face and exclaimed, "Are you CRYING?!"  This made me cry more, and I put the blanket over my entire head and told her to "shut up!" and "leave me alone!" and proceeded to cry in the safety of my plush tent of shame.  I'm not sure why I hid under the blanket, but I felt that if no one could see me crying, it didn't matter that I was sobbing loudly... it simply wouldn't "count."  Actually, come to think of it, I still cover my face when I cry during movies so Steve can't see me cry... or casually act like something is in my eye, or make a comment about my eye watering... allergies...

Anyway, yes, my mother made fun of her minor child for crying during a Disney movie.  Now, it seems like every Disney movie makes me cry... but when I was a child, only two movies ever did it:  The Fox & the Hound and The Lion King.  I watched The Fox & the Hound in seclusion to avoid ridicule.  I can't really blame my mother for laughing at me - after all, this was a rare occurrence.  Though, I can blame her for making me a hardened non-crier who possessed no empathetic capacity whatsoever.  I remember my mom crying ONCE during my entire childhood, from beginning of consciousness to adulthood.  I think it was when my brother and I were being particularly awful in the car one morning, and she just had too much.  Other than that, my family was not exactly what you would call touchy-feely.  I can't remember hugging my parents.  I'm sure I did, but I must have been too young to remember.  We just weren't a family inclined to express ourselves in actions... or words.  We aren't terrible people, I swear.  Just... stoic.

Let's just say I have a strong feeling that this dynamic led to me being a non-crier who absolutely could not comprehend situations in which others would cry, why they were crying, or what to do when they did cry.  I stayed far away from the crying.  And, I still do.  Others crying = me extremely uncomfortable, almost panicky.

Crying Episode #2
When I was 15, I had mono.  I had to stay home from school for two weeks.  I'm not sure if it was the mono, or the combination of the seclusion and stress, but I became severely depressed.  I was so despondent that I broke up with my boyfriend because it made me so sad not to be able to see him (hey, I didn't say I was rational...).  I also remember getting so frustrated by my math homework that I literally threw my textbook across the room and threw a massive hysterical fit, complete with screaming rage and uncontrollable sobbing.

That was the second time I cried in front of people.  I'm not even sure if anyone saw me cry that time, but it was right in the kitchen, so I'm sure my mom was there.  She probably yelled at me for acting ridiculous and told me to go to my room, where I am sure I continued sobbing into my pillow so no one would hear.  I believe it was Algebra II that caused me to fly into a blinding rage... specifically matrices.  I still don't think I ever learned those.  Our Algebra II final was a "partner" test, and I chose my partner wisely.  He had a graphing calculator.

Thanks to mono, I have no idea what this means. 

Ten years later...
I am now a totally girly, hormonal sack of tears.  Everything makes me cry.

I still try to hide it, but things that I would have laughed at people for crying about ten years ago now make me cry.  I never understood how happy things made people cry.  Weddings, babies, heartwarming 20/20 specials... nope, didn't get it.  Why cry if you are happy?  I still am totally without answer for that question, but all I know is that at some magic point in my life, happy things started triggering the tears.

And, of course, I cry at sad things.  Even nominally sad things.  The best example is that TV commercials have made me cry.  There is one where a woman is by her dad's side while he is dying (yes, sad setup there), and she is thinking back on their life together.  I have seriously cried multiple times watching that stupid commercial.  Needless to say, I will never buy whatever product they were selling.  Though, I think it was not a "sales" commercial... it may have been some kind of "values" commercial.

I watched that movie My Sister's Keeper the other day and cried at least five separate times.  It's embarrassing to admit that, and I'm now glad Steve wouldn't watch it with me.  A character dies in a movie/tv show... yep, I'm crying.  Pasta sauce commercials with sad orchestral music?  May tear up a bit.  That terrible TV show Coming Home or whatever it's called, where they surprise people with returning servicemen?  Bawling.  And, you may laugh at me for this one.  I really like the movie Meet Joe Black.  (Yes, I know Brad Pitt is awful in that movie...)  And, while the movie itself makes me cry... even the soundtrack makes me cry.  How pathetic is that?!  It's an orchestral soundtrack... it's not even sad words or anything.  But, even remembering what is happening while that music was playing in the movie is enough to make me cry.

Now, I am not proud of my excessive crying.  I don't want to cry from these things.  I actively fight against it!  I don't feel like a particularly emotional person, and I would not classify myself as overly emotional or even that sensitive of a person.  I blame my female hormones.  The same hormones that made me go from despising babies to fawning over them.  I blame evolution and the human condition.  (I don't really know what all "the human condition" encompasses, but I feel like it makes a great scapegoat for almost anything.)

I am being forced to cry against my will.  It's like some alien being has taken up residence inside my hardened shell of suppressed emotions.  Perhaps my body is making up for all of the not-crying from my younger days.  Or maybe my additional life experience has simply increased my capacity for empathy.  Whatever it is... I don't like it, and I kindly ask that it cease and desist.

I was going to say that I would like to be able to control my emotional responses... but then I thought that sounded kind of like a robot... or a Vulcan.  Hmm...

Technically, I would be a Vulcan.  Superior control over my emotions.