Addicted to Christmas

Hello everyone, my name is Amanda, and I am an addict.

That's right... I'm addicted to Christmas.  Christmas addiction is a disease that receives very little recognition, and as someone who has suffered from it my entire life, I feel compelled to shed some light on this debilitating affliction.  Christmas addiction can manifest itself in many ways, but if you are suffering from Christmas addiction, you may experience the following symptoms:

1.  You are enthusiastic about winter-themed flannel pajama sets, and you wear them all year round.  Even in July.  You may even turn down your thermostat so you are not uncomfortably warm wearing said pajamas.  And, also, you are an adult.

Just looking at this makes me want to rush out and buy more flannel pajama sets!

2.  You have or plan to have a massive Christmas village scene on display in your home.  You know what I'm talking about.  Those miniature buildings and such that you can use to construct a huge Christmas village, complete with fake snow, streetlights, and working electricity.  The ambitious may even have a train running through or around the village.  It all starts with seeing those pretty villages in an in-flight magazine or on a holiday commercial.  So you buy one building, maybe two... just to put on the mantle.

But, it really doesn't look like much of a Christmas village sitting up on the mantle without streets.  You need more buildings, so you can have streets!  So, you buy a few more, and you set up a little square on your coffee table.

But, your village is missing a post office.  A library.  A restaurant!  How can you have a real Christmas village without a post office!?  How will the letters get to Santa?  Soon, you could film miniature sequences for Miracle on 34th Street in your living room.  And, you have a baby gate up to keep the cat from eating the plastic trees and white batting.

3.  You begin listening to Christmas music before the radio stations start playing it.  I think a lot of stations start playing Christmas music at the beginning of November now.  So, basically, you are listening to Christmas music before Halloween.  Most normal people think radio stations start the Christmas music too early, but you can't believe there isn't a station that plays Christmas music year-round!  You can sing along with every song that comes on the Christmas station, and every tune elicits the reply, "Oh my god, I love this song!"  Because you do, indeed, love every Christmas song.  The fact that there are so many songs about Christmas and none about any other holiday only reinforces your belief that Christmas is the most supreme holiday of all.  No one sings about Halloween.  That is barely even a holiday.  Rather, it is simply a place-marker to remind you that Christmas is less than two months away.  Like the 2-minute warning in football.

4.  You despise "autumn" decorations.  Let's face it, autumn decorations simply cut into the time that could be spent displaying Christmas decorations.  Many people think Christmas decorations are only "properly" displayed between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  That is only a month of Christmas decorations. That is not nearly enough time devoted to the beauty of Christmas.

Autumn decorations are drab and earth-toned...

Let's put a bunch of dead foliage in a basket shaped like the animal  we are eating for dinner!  
Depressing.

Christmas decorations are sparkly and colorful!

Lush greenery with ribbons and ornaments in bright reds and shimmering golds... and  gifts!

The leaves turn colors... isn't that enough autumnal decoration?  The way you see it, if you can describe the air temperature as "chilly," it's time for Christmas decorations.  If there is even the slightest chance that temperatures could go low enough for a snow flurry, Christmas is in the air... and it should be everywhere else, as well.  From October to March.  Besides, what other decorations do you put up from January to March anyway?  Valentine's Day?  That's even less of a holiday than Halloween.

5.  You're dreaming of a white Christmas.  While others despise the snow for the inconvenience it brings in all aspects of driving and home maintenance, you can't get enough of the stuff.  The only thing that makes Christmas even better and more beautiful than it already is, is a fresh blanket of fluffy shimmering snow on Christmas Day.  Heck, you would even take ice in a pinch.  At least ice makes everything shiny and pretty.  All that winter weather might keep you from leaving the house, but who cares?  Why would you want to leave the house on Christmas anyway?  You have food, decorations, presents, Christmas music... you could subsist on Christmas cheer alone if you had to.  Though, to be honest, you probably have stockpiled supplies a few days in advance in hopes that you would get snowed in.

You are the only one excited to see this when you look out your window.
Who cares if your car is buried in 2 feet of snow?  Look how pretty it makes the trees!

6.  You don't care about the gifts.  This may seem a little counter-intuitive, but true Christmas addicts are not addicted to the gifts... they are addicted to the Christmas season.  The crux of the materialistic component of Christmas addiction is the draw toward perpetuating the Christmas season in any way possible... which usually manifests itself in the form of decorations, music, scented candles.  If the gifts are your main draw, you may be suffering from a different addiction... maybe you should watch that movie "Confessions of a Shopaholic," though it really doesn't do much to discourage being a shopaholic because, in the end, she lives happily ever after with a cute Englishman.

7.  You bake Christmas cookies... and lots of them.  You may not bake a single cookie for the rest of the entire year, but at Christmastime, your crank those cookies out by the hundreds.  You spend inordinate amounts of time selecting the perfect recipes, finding the perfect tins or platters, and just generally making your cookies as beautiful, Christmas-y, and delicious as possible.  And, you are known as "the" person who makes Christmas cookies by all who encounter you and your picture-perfect cookies, which are delivered with inexplicable amounts of cheer.

Your Christmas cookies look more
like this.

Other people's Christmas cookies look
like this.

8.  Your Christmas tree or lights stay up longer than 6 weeks... on purpose.  Just because you are too lazy or "don't have time" to take down the tree or the lights does not make you an addict.  It makes you an American.  And, if you leave the lights on your house year-round, you might just be a redneck.  However, making the conscious decision to leave your Christmas decorations up for longer than 6 weeks because you enjoy them may point to a full-blown addiction.  Six weeks is kind of an arbitrary number arrived at by figuring that most people put up the tree the weekend after Thanksgiving.  And, most people take it down after New Year's.  That's about 6 weeks of tree, and it's doubtful that people would have lights up if they don't have their tree up.  So, 6 weeks is probably a "normal" amount of time to leave Christmas decorations up.  If you put up the decorations before Thanksgiving or leave them up after mid-January, and you have actually planned it that way, you have a problem.

You might be a redneck if... your house looks like this in July.

9.  You say things like, "This tastes like Christmas."  Or, "it smells like Christmas."  Or, "Christmas is in the air!"  Any kind of implication that Christmas has physical characteristics of any kind is probably a warning sign.  For instance, many Christmas addicts have a strange pull toward Starbucks' peppermint mochas.  You may not know this, but you can actually get a peppermint mocha any time of the year.  But, it's just not the same as when it is the seasonal drink.  Christmas addicts also burn holiday candles non-stop during the Christmas season.  You may have a favorite scent that "smells like Christmas" to you.  For instance, I think evergreen trees smell like Christmas, so I keep a stock of evergreen-scented candles on hand.  For others, it may be spiced cider or gingerbread.  Addicts have been known to be able to sense snow coming, as well.  The scent of snow is like a drug to them, and they can smell it far before normal people.

10.  Christmas things that other people find cheesy... you find awesome.  Case in point:  Christmas lawn ornaments.  A lot of people find these tacky and horrendous, and would not be caught dead with them on their lawns.  Your lawn, however, contains a glowing Santa and all his reindeer, mechanical elves, huge inflated snowmen, and a complete nativity scene... front and center, with lights to spare.  Your neighbors make comments to you like, "Wow, what's the electricity bill like on these things?"  or  "Don't you think that will tear up your grass?"  in attempts to dissuade your gaudy display.  Everyone slows down as they drive by your house, and people probably come by to see what you did "this year."

The giant Winnie the Pooh is a nice touch.

If you found yourself agreeing with most of these statements, you may be suffering from Christmas addiction.  This list is not exhaustive and is merely meant to serve as a guide for diagnosis.  Addicts each exhibit a unique combination of symptoms at varying levels of severity, so a diagnosis must be made on a case-to-case basis.  There is no known cure for Christmas addiction, but it is still possible for addicts to live a full, relatively normal life.  Warm weather may help keep symptoms under control, but flare-ups are likely to occur in colder temperatures.  The most important thing we can do is educate the public on the disease and promote tolerance and understanding.  Sadly, Christmas addicts are often ostracized or ridiculed by the general public for their condition.  Education is the first step to acceptance.