When I told my mom that I was changing careers, she said that she hoped I hadn't wasted the last 7 years of my life. I wasn't upset by her comment; I knew what she meant. Three years of specialized schooling, plus almost 4 years working in one career... just to up and change directions.
It does seem a bit of a serpentine path; it's something I contemplated very seriously over the past year or so. And, in my questioning, I always came to the same answer: I do not regret my time in the law and do not believe it was a "waste."
I believe that we learn from every major experience in our lives, even if it's just that something "wasn't right," which is valuable in and of itself. If we learn more than that, even better. And, I believe I have learned and gained so much from my experience in the law. I am undoubtedly a different person today than I was 7 years ago when I graduated college, and I'd like to think I'm better. Perhaps "better" isn't the right term, as it's not really fair to compare my younger self to my current self since we had completely different perspectives and life experiences. But, I definitely feel like I'm more than I was then. More secure in myself and my abilities. More aware of the world around me and my reactions to it. More mature, more wise. More stable, more independent... more determined.
On Friday, when I was leaving the office, I went to say goodbye to my coworker and remarked that it was the last Friday I could say "see you on Monday." And, she asked me how I was feeling about that - if it was just "happy." And, I had to reply that I had mixed feelings about it. Of course, I'm incredibly excited to be starting something new, but it's also a bit terrifying. I have been mentoring my replacement at the firm and helping him transition to taking over some of my roles in the office, and in the midst of it all, I have realized just how far I've come since my first day here in September of 2009. I realized that even though I was leaving my job, I was good at my job, and I knew stuff. Like, not just some stuff... I know a lot of stuff. And it was a bittersweet realization. I am finally at a point in my career where I feel like I'm kind of at the pinnacle of my abilities. After 4 years, I am a specialist of sorts in my area of the law. I can answer people's questions without having to look things up, I can cite statutes off the top of my head, and I can recall cases where I've done this or that and can draw upon my experiences. I can teach someone else how to do my job and do it with authority. I feel like I'm more like a peer of my boss at this point, instead of an underling. I have come a long way. And, right when I feel like I'm getting close to the top, I'm hopping off the ladder.
However, this made me feel better about my new direction, in a roundabout sort of way. Thinking back, I remember how I knew nothing before starting law school. And, here I am, seven years later... good at my job. And, here I am, seven years later... terrified about starting school again because I feel like I know nothing. But I know that, in seven years, I will be back at this place again, only in a new field. I know that I will make it there... because I've seen myself do it.
Starting where I am, I think my experience in the law will do nothing but help me. It has made me a better writer, a better thinker. It has acclimated me to 50+ hour work weeks... and never being "off the clock." It has made me more perceptive of my surroundings and experiences. It has forced me out of my comfort zone time and time again, and has expanded it significantly.
I am sure there will be days when I miss the law... probably on days when I'm feeling like an idiot and just want to be back where I know what's going on. But, I see our parting like a couple who have simply grown apart and want different things in life. No anger, no profound sadness, no regret... just the end of our time together and the beginning of my new path.
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