The Year of Awesomeness

I am declaring twenty-nine the year of awesomeness.  All awesome... all the time.  I figure I can whine about the last year of my twenties, or I can rock it.  

For some, 29 is a depressing age.  I know I was not too thrilled about it at first.  But, so far, it's pretty great.  I think the big changes in my life are really helping me "come into my own," so to speak.  A clean slate can do wonders.  I feel like this is an opportunity to make myself into the person I want to be.  And, I finally have the focus, the motivation, and the energy to spend some time on myself.  Not by myself, though I am that, as well.  But, on myself.  I don't mean pampering days at the spa... I mean really being my own person apart from any kind of identity I may have established for myself up to this point.  I'm keeping the best parts of "Old Manda" and building on them to make an awesome "New Manda."

I think when you are dissatisfied with portions of your life, you get lazy.  You just kind of coast along without really taking stock of your life.  In my "new life", I'm realizing just how much I stopped taking care of myself and how little I really know *me* anymore.  One major realization was the hold that fear had on my life... on my decisions.  I have often joked about my many fears, but my general trepidation and anxiety was having a paralyzing effect on my independence.  I pride myself on being a strong, independent woman, but I have been so focused on others that it caused me to lose sight of myself and the way I wanted to live my life.  How others perceive me, what others want, what others expect of me.  When you shun those kinds of pressures and expectations, it's really freeing, and I'm enjoying the experience of taking control of this life of mine.  I'm learning to ascertain my own wants and expectations and focusing on working to meet only those.

I am basically here alone until mid-October, except for 2 weeks when Steve is visiting.  I kept saying that I was looking forward to some "alone time," but really, I wondered how I would cope being in a new place all alone.  I've lived alone before... but I've always had a support system of some kind to fall back on.  This is the first time in my life since I left for college that I've been truly alone.  And, I must say, I'm impressed with how I'm rising to the occasion.  Old Manda would have been afraid to do anything new alone.  But, I'm doing pretty well!  I've gone out to eat a few times alone.  I've driven all over Austin to different stores and such.  I have gone on walks alone, to the pool alone.  And, today, I tried out a church alone.  This may not sound like a big deal to some people, but after doing things with someone for so long, it's an adjustment to do things alone.  I feel like a big part of being an adult is being able to "fend for yourself" and being comfortable and happy alone.  Perhaps I am finally becoming an adult... or at least accepting the fact that I am one.

Now, I'm not saying I don't miss Steve.  I do miss Steve... though we've only been apart for a week at this point.  He is coming to visit next weekend for 2 weeks... then we will only see each other one weekend between August 4 and October 12 (not that I'm counting... lol).  What I am saying is that I think this time apart can only be good for both me and our marriage.  We are lucky to have such a great marriage, and tomorrow is our 7th wedding anniversary.  We are both different people than we were when we got married, but we have grown together instead of apart.  But, part of what makes our marriage work is that we are our own people, and I think we can only benefit from each of us being the best possible versions of ourselves.  This time apart will not only help us understand ourselves better but will also help us appreciate each other more than we already do and not take each other for granted.  Already, I am gaining a deeper appreciation of Steve's height as I struggle to fill the top shelves...

In short, what I'm trying to say is... bring it on, 29.  And keep it coming...