Freebies

There is almost nothing I love more than getting something for free.  I don't care what it is - free is awesome.  The enjoyment and perceived value of almost anything is increased tenfold by it being free.  Expectations are lower, if not non-existent.  I am simply happy to have anything free, and if it doesn't meet my admittedly low expectations - who cares?  It's FREE.  No complaints allowed.

My current favorite "freebies" are Nookbooks.  I have a Nook, which - for those of you who have been living under a rock for the past year or are technology-intolerant - is the Barnes & Noble e-reader.

Image via bn.com

Because of the Nook, B&N calls their e-books "Nookbooks."  Which is almost a cute name if it wasn't so obnoxious... but that is neither here nor there.  Anyway, a selection of Nookbooks is offered free at all times. (Aside:  I found out that clicking any link in my post will not automatically open in a new window... so, right click and open in new tab/window if you want to stay focused on my glorious blog ;)).  I don't know how many are offered... more than 50 at any given time, and some of them change from week to week.  The books generally fall into 4 categories:  1) self-published, unedited, released in e-book format-only; 2) Harlequin-type paperback romance; 3) the first book in a multi-book series; or 4) free "previews" (read: excerpts) of upcoming new releases.

Looking at the general categories I just listed, it is obvious that these books are not going to be timeless and inspired pieces of literature.  They are simply entertainment to fill time or get you hooked on a certain author/series.  I call them "rainy day," "beach," or "guilty pleasure" reads.  I would say I download a good number of these free books, but I admit that I am at least selective about it.  Books involve "work" - you have to invest time and mental energy into a book, and thus, I do not indiscriminately download free books.  If it's complete rubbish, I can only take so much before deciding it's not even worth the zero dollars I paid for it.  I generally will click on ones that look at least semi-interesting, read the synopsis, and most importantly, look at the customer reviews.  If its synopsis doesn't freak me out or bore me, and the customer reviews are at least a 3 out of 5 stars... the book goes on my Nook.  I have probably downloaded over 100 books this way.  Most of them mindless romance novels.  They serve my purpose of entertainment well - not much thinking required and always a happy ending!  A nice escape from my thinking-heavy day job.

When I read customer reviews for these books, I am amazed at the people who complain about the books.  They are free, people!  How can you complain about free stuff?  Most common complaint?  "This book was a waste of my time."  I almost laugh out loud when I read that.  I have to believe that these people simply do not read the synopsis of the book, do not look at the book cover picture, or do not see that the publisher is SmashWords before downloading the book.  I mean, what kind of expectations do these people have?  I'm sorry, people, but your free e-book called "Rebel Hearts" is not going to be a literary masterpiece written by one of the great writers of our generation.  Its richest character development may simply be a description of the character's occupation, physical attractiveness, and repeated emphasis of her "reluctance to get her heart broken... again."  When your book is called "Naughty Nooners," it may have coarse language and adult content... and *gasp* may just be a 20 page piece of trashy erotica.  Further, if people have rated something under a 3 star rating... IT IS BAD.  Like, really bad.  (See this for an example of all things I mention here... and yes, seriously, this is a real book offered in Free Nookbooks.)  There are a lot of people with very low expectations or entertainment thresholds, and they will rate pretty bad books at least a 3.  Think of how a book gets a 2 star rating.  It has to be completely devoid of any redeeming qualities or even a slight appeal to any audience.  You cannot be the 20th reviewer of a 2-star book and complain that it was a waste of your time.  Of course it was!  I will repeat one of my favorite phrases for my lazy, self-important peers:  Use your brains, people!

Am I sometimes disappointed when I get to the end of a free book and think it was crap?  Sure.  I just kind of sigh and say "well, that was a waste of 3 hours" and delete it off my Nook.  Poof!  The end.  If I had spent $25 on a hardcover book and felt like that at the end... yeah I might go online and post an angry review.  When I spend $0, what do I expect?  Not much.  And neither should anyone else.  It is a sad reflection on society when people not only expect things to be convenient and free... but they also expect those free, convenient things to actually be high-quality!  Give me a break.  I liken these people to those who visit foreign countries and are offended that not everyone speaks English.  The world?... yeah... not revolving around you.

Chances are that no one cares if your arbitrary standards for free books were not met.  Chances are even greater that I would not trust your opinion, anyway, if you actually expected the book to be fantastic... because obviously your judgment is compromised.