The Library of Judgment

A few months ago, I decided to join my county library so I could get some books to read on vacation.  My Nook taught me that I love free books (who knew?), so I figured my library would be a great way to get even more free books.  And, good ones, even.  I was a little apprehensive about the library because I had never really utilized a public library frequently in the past.  One of my many irrational fears is doing "new" things, however small, so I had some anxiety about visiting for the first time because I didn't know anything about the library and had never been.

I walked in, and I felt pretty good.  I talked to the lady at the counter, and she was very helpful in getting my library account set up and giving me a little introduction to the different sections of the library.  So, I found the section I wanted, got my books, and went up to the counter.  Up until this point, I was feeling pretty good about my new-found free book paradise.  And, I had my newest Sookie Stackhouse book in hand, ready for my vacation.

When I got up to the counter to check out my book, the man simply looked at me, took my book, and gave me a little slip and told me when it was due.  But, the way he looked at me... bothered me.  I felt like he was judging me for my book selection.  I had chosen a bestseller - a supernatural, "mindless" book.  I felt like he was looking at me like I was some vapid woman who couldn't be bothered with thinking too much and instead chose to live a life of leisure and shallow reading.  I know it's kind of self-indulgent, but I really want to feel like people perceive me as an intelligent, professional person most of the time.  I guess I want all of that schooling and hard work to count for something, even though I realize it's almost impossible to gauge a person's intelligence and achievement simply by their appearance or book choice.

Regardless, I felt judged by the librarian.  This probably goes back to my desire to believe that I like intelligent, high-brow, cultured entertainment.  But, as I've said, I can't help it - I love mindless reading.  In school, I always liked the classic novels.  Some of my favorites were A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, The Great Gatsby, and Sense and Sensibility.  Literary "greats", to be certain.  I still hold a place for books like that, but I find it exhausting to read "good" modern literature.  I want my book to be an escape.  I don't want boring but profound passages, I don't want to look for symbolism, and I don't want to feel like reading the book is a chore.  I know that some people love literary masterpieces, and they will only read "good" literature.  Sure, those are nice every once in a while, but I am just not that refined, I guess!  I like mainly romance and supernatural/action novels, even when I know they are not technically well-written.  I want something that holds my attention so much that I can't put the book down.  Books don't have to be great to be entertaining; it's nice if they're both, but that is rare, indeed.

I would love to be a book snob... I'd love to have great "taste", high standards, and be passionate about the written word (I suppose then I would be a librarian!).  But, I feel like that takes a lot of effort.  Instead, I guess I am a closet book snob.  I can tell the difference between "literature" and "books."  I can tell when an author is truly talented... and when they're not.  I know many of the books that I read are not "good" by critics' standards.  And, there is a big part of me that would love to impress the librarians with my book selections, a part of me that craves their approval when I bring that book up to the counter and feels a bit ashamed when I know my book selection is not exactly Pulitzer material.  I would love to hear a comment about how good a book is, or how they think I will enjoy it, or even a recommendation for "another" great read.  Maybe one day I will check out a critically acclaimed book just to see if I get a different reaction than when I check out my Nora Roberts paperback romance.

I doubt that's happening anytime soon, as the next 3 books in my "hold queue" are: the 2nd book in a young adult series, the book on which a recent chick-flick was based, and the newest Sookie Stackhouse novel.  But, you know what?  I bet I will enjoy every minute of them!

So, judge away, Mr. Librarian!  Your judgmental looks will not deter me from checking out my vapid literary entertainment, though it may make me feel ashamed while doing so...

For a huge collection of these memes, go here.  They are supposed to be about a bookseller, but they are all things I think the judgmental librarian is thinking...