Life is the Stuff Dreams Are Made Of: We Love Lucy

I was just sitting here in my living room, staring at my blog home screen, trying to decide on a topic for a new post. As I was thinking, I looked over my laptop screen and saw my cat Lucy stalking something. I got up to investigate, and sure enough, it was a bug. The bug has now retreated under the coat closet door, and Lucy is sitting patiently by the door watching for its return. She is ready for attack if it should chance to venture outside of its safe shelter. Lying in wait.

What does this random occurrence have to do with my blog post? Well, Lucy has inspired me to write about... Lucy! My cat is the closest thing I have to a child, and people love to talk about their kids, right? So, this blog post will be all about getting to know my "baby"... Lucy the cat. Enjoy.

Blogosphere: Meet Lucy.

1. Lucy's real name is Lucifer. Yes, I am a cruel pet parent. But, she was an evil kitten, and she deserved it. When I got Lucy, she was wild and flea-ridden... and pure evil. Her cuteness was her only redeeming characteristic. Lucy was the progeny of someone's barn cat, and I saved her from certain imminent death, so she should have been worshiping at my feet, thanking me for my generosity. Instead, she gave me fleas, hid in the back of the washing machine and refused to come out, then scratched the living daylights out of me if I tried to touch her or hold her (or apply her flea medicine)... not to mention the hissing and growling. It's amazing that such a little thing can make so much noise. After enduring days of torture at her paws, I bestowed upon her the name Lucifer. But, being the magnanimous human being that I am, I shortened it to Lucy, since Lucifer is obviously a boy cat's name. She is much nicer now... at least to me and the hubby. She hates basically every other person and will hiss or take a swipe at them. Like a good guard-cat should.

Her glowing eyes of death. Fear them.

2. Lucy is fat. Think... Garfield. Though, at least Garfield had lasagna as an excuse. Lucy is just fat. We don't overfeed her, and she even eats the healthy cat food. She is pretty lazy, but all cats are lazy. I don't know why she's so fat, but she is probably a good 12 pounds. I haven't weighed her in a while, mostly because I am in denial of her sheer massiveness. People comment that she's a large cat, and every once in a while... I really see it. When she lies on her back, she looks pretty rotund. I'd post a picture, but the camera adds 10 pounds, and I don't want to embarrass poor Lucy like that. Oh wait, yes I do.

Probably a good representation of her girth. I love that Steve is drinking, and the Bluebook is on the couch next to him. Life of a law student.

3. Lucy enjoys rabbits... and birds... and bugs. We have an abundance of rabbits in our backyard, and Lucy loves to sit in the window and watch them hop about. They drive her nuts. She stalks them back and forth across the windowsills. All of the hopping drives her mad. Then, there are the birds. We have this tall grass plant thing in front of our house, and birds like to perch on it and eat its seeds. The plant goes up to the second story (yes, it's huge), and Lucy will sit there and watch those birds forever. She has never been outside, but I think she enjoys stalking the prey from inside... as she has no front claws and would never be able to actually catch anything outside. It would be very disappointing for her, and I must protect her fragile self-esteem. She's already fat... no need to let her know that she's a fat cat who can't hunt. What she can hunt, however, is bugs. She loves to hunt bugs. She rarely catches them... because, let's face it, it's hard for a cat to catch a bug with its paw. She will hold it down, then pick up her paw, then it creeps away again. She will stalk bugs all over the place, pawing at them and watching intently for her chance to eat it. She eats the bugs if she manages to catch them, which isn't often. But, I still feel very safe with Lucy as my bug protector. If nothing else, she alerts me to a bug's existence... which has come in handy when my most-feared house centipedes have been lurking in the dark of my bedroom. Lucy starts freaking out, and then I know something is afoot... and without fail, she will be staring right at some fearsome bug on my wall, just waiting to crawl on me in my sleep. And, I hate creepy crawlies. So, thank you Lucy, my fearless bug stalker extraordinaire.

High alert!

4. She is lazy. Yes, as I said, all cats are lazy. But, I think Lucy is especially lazy. She can seriously lay in one spot for hours on end without ever twitching. We sometimes leave the house and return hours later, and she will still be in the same exact spot as when we left. And, if ever she goes "missing" in the house, you will undoubtedly find her lying on the bed, the couch, her cat condo, or in the "cat trap." The "cat trap" is a shoebox that she particularly enjoys laying in, even though it is really too small for her to fit in comfortably. She bows out the sides and takes up every inch, spilling her fur over the sides of the box. The hubby wrote "CAT TRAP" on it. He's so funny. Lucy often even just lies right on the floor, usually in a ridiculous position. My favorite is when she lies on her back and has all her feet kind of bent into the air. She looks like a dog wanting its belly scratched, and it just looks really unnatural for a cat. She loves to lie that way, though, and the only thing I can figure is that it's comfortable for her blubber. The blubber can't get in the way when she lays on her back!

Cats are weird.

5. She has a stuffed animal. Lucy only plays with two things: laser pointers and her stuffed otter. Laser pointers require a human to participate, and she's smart enough to get sick of it after a while. The otter, on the other hand, she plays with on her own. A lot. We call it her "weasel" because that's what it looks like, and it sounds cooler than otter. She has had this weasel since she was a kitten. I wanted her to sleep in her cat bed, so I put the weasel in it with her because it was the same size that she was. She enjoyed wrestling with it and attacking it as a kitten. Now, as an adult cat, she still enjoys basically the same things. She carries that weasel all over the house. You never know where you will find it. One time we lost the weasel after visiting my parents, and I looked everywhere for it but could not find it. I tried finding a replacement toy, but she would not play with anything else, no matter how weasel-like it was. Months later, we went back to my parents', and Lucy ran and found the weasel first thing. It has never gotten lost again. She carries it around in her mouth and makes these horrible crying noises while she has it in her mouth. We still can't decide if she thinks it's her baby or her prey, but judging by the way she tosses it and attacks it mid-air, I hope it's prey. She seriously whips it up in the air with her mouth, and it goes almost as high as the ceiling, and she will jump up and grab it. It's really entertaining to watch. She plays with it like this probably multiple times a day, and you can find it anywhere. The stairs, the bed, the bathroom. Sometimes it's by her food dish. It's like a game. Sometimes I've taken pictures of where I've found the weasel. It entertains me to no end.

Can you see the "weasel" that she's hugging?

6. She sleeps on me. Not with me. On me. I kind of like it, though. I call for her at night, pat the bed with my hand, and she will come jump up with me. I became so accustomed to it when she was smaller, it's easier for me to fall asleep if she's lying on me. I attribute this to the fact that she weighs so much, it restrains my lungs and slows my breathing, allowing me to fall asleep faster. Perhaps that's an exaggeration, but sleeping with 12 or 13 pounds on your chest is definitely noticeable. She will sleep on my chest/stomach if I am lying on my back, and she sleeps on my hip/thigh if I am lying on my side. She is quite adept at balancing, because she is wider than my thigh but manages to stay on quite well. Even when I roll over, she sometimes maneuvers to stay on without falling off. It's impressive. She especially likes sleeping on me in the mornings when it's time for her food. It's like she's saying "I am staying right here until you feed me." Keeping in close contact to make sure I notice she's there and ready for breakfast. Yes, I notice you, my gigantic Lucy.

This is actually her lying on Steve, but you get the idea.

7. She likes to be in places where she is not supposed to be. This is pretty self-explanatory. It's one thing that convinces me that cats have analytical reasoning skills. When she thinks of where she wants to be... she basically narrows it down to the exact places where she is not supposed to be. Then, she goes to one of them. I could explain all of her favorites, but I will share some photo evidence instead.