Things I just don't like. Abridged version.

I like to think of myself as a pretty easy-going gal.  Low maintenance.  Go with the flow.  Heck, I didn't even care what flowers were at my wedding.  I hired someone and told them "you know what looks good."  That was about the extent of it.  When people are having a meal and ask me what foods I like, I say that I'm not too picky - I'll eat almost anything.  Which is true.  When people ask what I want to do, I usually leave it up to them to decide because most of the time, I really just don't care.  Actually, there really aren't many things that I really like or really hate.  I guess I am just not a person of extremes.  I am a person of neutrality and moderation.

But... when I force myself to think about it, there are things that I really dislike.  It's hard for me to think of a favorite anything, but I can usually respond with "I like everything but such-and-such".  And, every once in a while, something comes along, and I just think, I really don't like that.  It could be a song, a movie, a food, a person, a commercial good of some kind.  Today, I saw one that inspired me to create this blog post.  And, it will be number one on my list of things that I just don't like.

Things I just don't like:


1.   Wax figures.  Like, Madame Tussaud's style wax figures.  I saw William & Kate's figures online today, and, well, they really freak me out.  And it's not just because theirs are some of the most freakishly lifelike ones that I have seen... it is all wax figures.  Or, really, any realistic representation of a person.  When I was a child, I was horribly afraid of mannequins.  I was seriously worried that one was going to reach out and grab me.  Sometimes I mistook real people for mannequins and would scream when they moved.  Though, I was also terrified of all life-size characters... like the kinds at Showbiz Pizza and Six Flags.  So, maybe I have a thing about large lifelike figures in general, whether they are human or not.  While other kids were begging their parents to have their pictures taken with Tweety, I was begging my mother to let us turn around so we could avoid him...or her?  I think of all characters as men if they don't have a bow/dress.  Is that sexist?  Society has done this to me.

This is just... not right.

2.  Indian food.  Go ahead and chastise me.  Yes, I have tried it, and no I don't like it.  The smell alone of Indian spices makes me physically ill.  People think I'm close-minded or not "cultured" enough because I don't like Indian food.  Guess what?  I like other ethnic cuisine... just not Indian.  I'm not some snobby American chomping on my cheeseburger.  I'm not sure what spices I am particularly averse to, but no Indian food that I have encountered has ever appealed to me.  I just don't like it!  I think it must be kind of like cilantro.  Did you know that there is supposedly a gene that is responsible for whether or not you like cilantro?  Some people just really hate it, and it's programmed into them.  Seriously, I'm not kidding.  Look it up.  I, for one, love cilantro and can't imagine someone not liking it.  But, I know there are people who don't.  Same thing with Indian food for me.  Some people think it's so delicious and think there must be something wrong with me not to like it.  Obviously, I just must have never tried it because if I had, I would like it.  Wrong.  I wonder if there is a gene that controls Indian curry...

Sure, it looks delicious... until I can smell it.  And taste it.

3.  Riding in cars.  Driving is fine.  But, I hate riding in cars.  I actively avoid it.  Trains are fine... as are planes.  Even buses.  But, if I'm going to be in a car, I want to be the one driving it.  I think it's a combination of motion sickness, anxiety, and claustrophobia, but I know I don't like it.  I don't like car travel in general, but it's tolerable if I'm driving.  I dislike car travel so much that the last time we drove to my in-laws', which is 5 hours away, I told my husband that we were never driving there again.  That trip, and the ones before it, had been particularly harrowing, with accidents, detours, road construction, traffic, you name it.  And, with not liking being in the car to begin with, I'd had enough.  I said I didn't care how much it cost, we were flying there from then on out.  That was probably 8 months ago.  And, we've flown there every time since.  I guess I should mention that riding in cars is made significantly less awful by sleeping.  I like to take Dramamine before a trip, then just sleep the whole time.  But, the person driving doesn't usually appreciate their riding buddy being asleep.  Not my problem.  You should have flown.

This cat looks like he likes riding in cars about as much as I do.  I feel you, cat, I feel you.

4.  Gene Wilder.  No, I've never seen Blazing Saddles.  Yes, I know it is supposedly the funniest thing ever.  But, I have seen Willy Wonka, and that was enough for me.  Gene Wilder creeps me out like no other.  I would have given the golden ticket back!  I don't even know what it is about him that really gets me.  It's kind of like when you see someone who looks like a serial killer.  They just do.  You don't know why.  Maybe it's the bushy beard, or the shifty eyes, or the length of rope they carry on their tool belt...

I will take the Oompa Loompas over Gene Wilder any day.  Creep city!

5.  People who use their phones in elevators.  It doesn't matter if they're talking, texting, checking their email, or even just pretending to use the phone to avoid talking to people or making eye contact.  It's ridiculous.  Especially people with their bluetooth headsets who seem like they are talking to you, then you might say something and then feel awkward when you realize they aren't talking to you.  Seriously, like, people can't spend 30 seconds just standing and waiting for their floor.  Like, you are so important that you can't wait until you get to your office to check your email or text your friend.  Why interact with people when you can interact with technology?   And, what wireless carrier do you have that you get service in the elevator?  Seriously... mine cuts out the second I step in the elevator.  Maybe that's why I hate everyone who uses their phone in the elevator...

One day, I kid you not, everyone in the elevator was using their phones at the same time.

6.  Futurama.  The TV show.  I have an inexplicable hatred for this show.  I have never seen an episode that entertained me.  One episode made me cry, but that is the only emotional response I have had to this show.  Steve loves Futurama and watches it quite a bit, so I've caught quite a few bits and pieces of episodes.  I almost feel abnormal that I don't like this show.  I don't get the appeal.  Kind of like with the CSIs, Law & Orders, or any of the CBS comedies.  But, I think my general lack of exposure to those prevents me from having a strong reaction to them like I do to Futurama.  I still can't stop thinking about that episode that made me cry... the one with Fry's dog... and it makes me dislike Futurama even more.

How can it be SO SAD?!

7.  "Hey, Soul Sister."  I don't know if I even need to explain this one.  Awful.  Awful.  AWFUL.  This is the worst song ever made.  I didn't even like it when Blaine sang it on Glee, and that's saying something because I am a sucker for fictional preppy boys (even if they are also fictionally gay).  For a while, it was on every radio station all the time, and my car felt like a prison.  One day it came on and I wasn't paying attention, and I started singing along.  When I realized what I was doing, I felt so ashamed.  I turned off the radio and acted like it didn't happen.  I once said that the only thing that would make this song worse was if Chad Kroeger sang it.  That may be the truest statement to ever pass these lips.

Apparently, flat-ironed hair and sunglasses make Chad Kroeger even more ridiculous.  Just imagine if he was also singing Hey Soul Sister in this picture.  The world would probably end.  

I have about a thousand others in my head... but, I'm stopping myself at 7... because, let's face it, this post would get longer than anyone would ever read.  Frankly, I'm surprised you stuck around long enough to read this.  And, I bet Chad Kroeger was a real let down as a finale, and now you're wondering why you just wasted 10 minutes of your life that you will never get back.

Sorry.  Chad's sorry, too.  For everything.  Everything.